The 5 Step Approach for Unconditional Self Love for Today’s Woman

The 5 Step Approach for Unconditional Self Love for Today’s Woman

Unconditional Self-love is a must, you cannot love others unless you have loved yourself deeply.

By letting go of the things that hurt us, the pain and the unhappiness, and focusing on the best bits of who we are, we create the space that we need to naturally grow into the best version of ourselves and within that space, we become magically radiant, beaming and confident versions of ourselves that makes every dream come true. When we learn to appreciate the best bits of who we are, we never shy away from a challenge because we realize that there are no limitations to what we can accomplish.

Self-love then becomes the complete sense of self-belief, if you do not believe in yourself then who would; or should I ask, who should? Self-love in its absolute sense is that everything that you desire is within your reach, and you only need permission from yourself to make it happen. Self-love is believing with your entire being that you deserve the absolute best for yourself and in the space that you have created, where you are the best version of yourself, there is nothing that you cannot do.
The 5 step approach to self-love begins with forgetting and letting go of the past:

Step 1: Let go of the past and leave it behind.

Those who keep looking at the past, risk a massive and titanic collision with the future.

One of the biggest obstacles to self-love is the past, let us face it, people have not been kind to us all the time, whether when we were young and small, or just as recently as yesterday or even a few moments ago, someone will have been unkind to you. From childhood abuse that leads to a sense of shame and worthlessness to the acts of bullies and non-committal partners in life, unkind people are everywhere and we have all met some at some point in our life.

Walking through life has been painful, but it is even more painful to keep hold of what we have walked through. Walking through life; whilst keeping hold of the painful past will leave us angry and cause us to harm ourselves, perpetuating the feeling of shame and worthlessness. Learning to let go of the painful experiences, the painful past, is a monumental step to learning self-love, loving the woman in the mirror.

You have to realize that the negative experiences, the pain that others gave you are not your fault, you were not born with any inherent flaw that makes you more deserving of pain. People hurt you because they are broken, and that has nothing to do with you. That connection between realizing that people give you pain and hurt from their own brokenness is the connection that helps you to move forward. But also know that you have had enough pain and you don’t need to be hurt anymore.

You can stop replaying the terrible things that were said to you, you can stop reliving the horrible days and open the door for happier memories.

Life is the memories that we make, and the beauty of life is the good memories that we keep.

Everything that you do in life has to become a reflection of how much love that you have for yourself, it might sound selfish but the person in the mirror should become your primary reason to be alive and to love. I have personally struggled for years to understand this, to understand this very key and important step that remained elusive to me, but I finally realize that letting go of the past helps me to set myself free. No longer holding myself back, and sabotaging myself, no longer fighting myself. Everything that I wanted is now within my reach only because I saw the pattern that I had been leaving and started to create the space around myself, a bubble of happiness for myself.

The first step in any process is usually the biggest step, and the journey to self-love means that you have to establish boundaries that support you, they will become rules for living and yes these rules are not made to be broken. They are vital because they remind you that you are worthy of a life that you love.

Step 2: Stop comparing yourself to others.

We have all been guilty of this at some point in life, no matter how amazing we are, we can always look out into the world and find someone prettier, smarter and more successful. We will always find what we think are richer, happier and thinner people, more beautiful, talented – the list goes on and on and on.

But what we fail to realize is that everyone has a story and struggle that they have to cope with. Remember the old adage, the grass isn’t always greener at the other side of the fence? Well, it is quite literally true, what we see is often what people choose to show us. No one goes about showing their ills and losses, and that is the reason why you have to stop comparing yourself to others. And to be quite frank, you can only water the grass on your side of the fence so why worry on what color the grass on the other side is? Instead of comparing yourself to others, you should choose to just see the best that is in you, and the best that is in everyone that you meet.

Everyone you see out there has some darkness in their lives; even if they choose not to show it; but then again we are all connected by the same gorgeous stream of light; we are all humans. So we make mistakes, we fail and we succeed, we cry and we laugh, we hurt and we grow – These unique experiences, as diverse as they ar also connect us on earth and so if you go around seeing yourself less than someone because the life that they show you look a little shinier than yours on the outside is just plain and downright silly.

We all have some darkness in our lives, and we are all connected by the same gorgeous light. We are human— we all make mistakes, we fail, we hurt, we grow. Each of us has a unique experience on this earth, and to go around saying that I am less than someone else because their life looks a little shinier than mine from the outside is just silly.

The only person you should try to be better than is who you were yesterday.

Step 3: Find your strengths and focus on them

Nothing can dim the light which shines from within

The third step in complete acceptance and self-love is to find your personal strengths and focus on building these. It is pretty much impossible to be happy when all you do is revisit the worst moments of your short-comings, perceived or real. That negative focus can only drag you down and keep you from the very things that you most desire.

Shifting your attention from your flaws to your inner strength is, therefore, a very important step in the journey to self-love and complete acceptance of who you are. When you focus on your strengths, you will begin to see yourself as a healthy, perfect, whole and capable person that is brave and beautiful.  You will unleash a trove of confidence which will allow you to take on the world. When you believe in your inner strength, you will climb every mountain, walk through every fiery pit and conquer every obstacle when you have complete belief in your inner strength.

Step 4: Do the things that make you happy

Happiness is more than just doing fun things, it is about doing meaningful things.

It is so obvious that it is a slap in the face moment, but doing the things that make you happy, will make you happy. That said, it is quite a big challenge at times to do the things that makes us happy, because we are guilty of being selfish or taking too much time to do things for ourselves. The thought that you can spend moments taking care of others, being there for loved ones and working and cleaning can be more productive binds us to a mental prison, in so much that we forget to realize that we can do the things that make us happy; and if those are really loved ones, they will be happy for us. It is no wonder then that we are less than satisfied with life. You don’t have to learn it the hard way to put yourself first, to make your happiness paramount.

Happiness comes from peace, peace comes from indifference.

At risk of sounding selfish, you have to make time every day to do things that make you feel good, you and only you. When you do that, you will be more equipped to face life and its challenges as well as be there for the people that need you. It is a depreciating benefit for yourself and for others to destroy y our personal happiness to make others happy, only because when you are not happy, those around you will feel this negative vibe and will not be happy.

Additionally, doing what makes you happy will make you more satisfied with yourself, you will stop apologising and investing time in the things that put a smile on your face. Give yourself permission to write, dance, practice yoga even if you suck at it, like myself. Give yourself the permission to play games, be a child once again, the little things that make life worth living. At the end of the day, aren’t those the things that matter the most?

Step 5: Dream a new dream

Dream no small dreams, for they have no power to move the hearts of men.

This step actually came to me during a recent breakup of a long-standing relationship. It was a painful moment in my life when someone you have invested so much time and energy in; says things that show that they didn’t even remember how long the relationship has been going on for. I had to let go of the future we planned together and the more I looked at it at way, it was more difficult to accept, I had lost something that was important to me… my focus on the loss caused more pain and hurt me more. The pain kept me stuck to a spot, relieving the past and reminding me of the past mistakes I had made in that relationship. But as I started viewing the breakup as an opportunity to dream and chase a new vision, my whole life changed. Suddenly I became excited about my future again.

Nothing happens, unless first a dream

I had a purpose that was bigger than myself and a dream that was bigger than the lost relationship; I found my self-confidence and began to take steps towards a new dream. Whenever the familiar sadness creeps back in, all I have to do is remind myself that it was time for me to dream a new dream. Every day, since then, my life has become a little bit more like the vision that began back then.

Never give up on what you really want to do. The person with big dreams is more powerful than one with all the facts.

Cassandra Schernoff

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